So sorry Reese! A letter...

*** Reese turned 4 in March and I wrote him a birthday letter, but kinda forgot about it- whoops... I'm pleading pregnancy brain on this one. Better late than never :) 

Dear Reese, 

I just can't believe my little guy is 4 years old. You grew up so fast, and boy how you've changed. Such an easy baby... You ate and slept great, you smiled and were just content as can be.  Then, you hit about one and a whole new part of your personality started showing... your “rebellious”side. If we told you to come here, you went there. If we told you to sit down, you stood up. If we told you it was time to go, you wanted to stay. And you thought everything was hilarious. 

It was soooo funny if mommy had to run around the house chasing you down to get dressed… and when it comes to getting dressed, you hated it,  and it still takes a lot of convincing for you to put clothes on. You seem to think they are a completely unnecessary part of life. If anyone drops by during the day they are sure to get a glimpse of you streaking by in your under-roos. 

You’re facial expressions are so animated and your voice has such a cartoon-ish quality that we can’t help but giggle… that and the fact that your spoken observances and thoughts are so charming it is impossible not to want to write everything down and remember them always. You started using phrases like “Well actually mom…” and “Seriously you guys...” way too early. Your vocabulary has never ceased to amaze me! You love reading books and learning, such a smart little guy.  At first you hated school time, but now you beg me to start. 

You adore your brothers and cousins and love to play with them, but sometimes you just like to do your own thing.  You definitely aren’t shy and make friends easily at the playground- especially with the little girls ;) You are up for anything and are always so excited when we try something new. 

You are still the messiest kid I have ever encountered. You take every meal as a personal challenge to get as sticky and gross as possible. :)

You are a mama’s boy, and your big bear hugs have turned around so many tough days. You are much more intuitive than your brothers. When I was so sick during this pregnancy, you would put your hand on my face and rub my cheek. Or put your arms around me and say, “I love you so much,  Mommy. I’m sorry you don’t feel so good.” You pick up on peoples’ moods and feelings and offer to help if someone is upset or angry... always encouraging the rest of us. Such an amazing gift for a little boy to have. I know God has great plans for your big heart.  

I know I will miss this stage, where you can’t walk by me without a “huggy mommy!”  but I am excited to see what kind of big kid you will become, what interests and talents you will enjoy . Right now you say you are going to be a “dad” when you grow up and have 3 girls and 1 boy. I know you will be a wonderful husband and daddy one day, and I can’t wait to see it! 

I never want to forget the image of you stomping around in your rain boots or with your 300 "babies" (aka stuffed animals) that you insist on sleeping with each night. I'll always remember your imaginary friend Janey and how you love to blame him for all sorts of mischief. ;) 

I am a little nervous really excited to see you as a big brother and how you adjust to no longer being the baby of the family. I’m sure you’ll do great as mama’s helper.

 (9 months)

 (4 Years)

Oh how we love you Reese’s pieces.  Enjoy being 4!

Love!

Mama, AKA, Your biggest fan 

Epic Fail: Empty Spaces

Confession: I am NOT a great decorator... I'm not really even an okay decorator... I would describe my house for the past 5 years as less than inspiring.

But I am sooo ready for a change. We have been spring-cleaning for the past few months, and we are finally ready for the redecorating stage.  I am the "pull out pictures from a magazine and pin 400 ideas on Pinterest, but never actually make it happen in my own house" kinda decorator. I like so many different styles, but when it comes to putting a room together, I struggle.  

I can organize and figure out functional pieces, but I have no clue how to do the "fluff." You know, the pieces that are in a room and serve absolutely no purpose but to look pretty.

Ex: Fluff

                                                                                            Source: wanelo.com via Lily on Pinterest

My brain seems to struggle against adding more clutter, and if there isn't a real purpose for something, my gut reflex is to get it out of here.

Now that the house is clean and organized, I am realizing how pathetic most of my walls are looking, and I really want our home to reflect us... as individuals and as a family. I want each room to have some sort of theme and a totally different feeling. I want all my favorite pictures displayed in non-traditional ways. 

I want someone coming in for the first time to be able to sense who we are and what we love just by looking around...

So, how do I pull that off?

 First, I decided what needs to be done. I have 4 areas that are in desperate need of some fluff. So onto Pinterest I go for inspiration...

1: The living room above the couch: I have had my yellow chalk board up all by its lonesome for months now, still branded with the "Can't wait for baby Conner" announcement from the shower we had like 4 months ago. Epic fail.

I would love some sort of collage back there. Maybe something like this?  

                                                                                  Source: apartmenttherapy.com via Lily on Pinterest

Or this?

                                                                                    Source: bellemaison23.com via Lily on Pinterest

I would love love love to find a world map and do something like this:

                                                                                Source: littlebirdiesecrets.blogspot.com via Lily on Pinterest

#2: The nursery/ office- It is finally clean!! Woohooo!

I am sure this big empty space would be a interior

designers dream, but it is just giving me anxiety: 

I keep going back to this nursery I found on Pinterest. I really love all the little details:

                                                                                                Source: simplysadiejane.com via Lily on Pinterest

   

And I love all of these patterns:

                                                                                                        Source: etsy.com via Lily on Pinterest

                                                 

#3- Master, over the bed: 

I really want to paint a collage of quotes over the head board:

Something like this, but painted directly on the wall:

                                                                                            Source: bhg.com via Lily on Pinterest

Can I pull that off without it looking like one of those "nailed it" epic fail photos?

hmmmmmm we'll see...

And #4- The master bathroom wall: 

It has been a blank space for 5 years,

 and I got nothin.

 I am on a countdown until August.

 I have to finish these projects before baby B comes,
 or before I get so big I can't function. :)

Does anyone else have this problem? 
Empty spaces and walls that you just have no 
idea what to fill with?? Has Pinterest really helped you
with decorating inspiration?

______________________________

Happy Wednesday! 

Baby Bumpage: 25 Weeks

___________________________________________________________

Pregnancy #4 : Our fourth boy!

How far along: Almost 25 weeks- I really popped out b/t 13 and 18 weeks :)

Weight Gained: 100 around 22 pounds already... jiggly jiggly.

Cravings: I have been loving fresh salads and veggies, but I also got my sweet tooth back (just what I need).

Symptoms: feeling good physically other than heartburn, extra emotional and sentimental :)

Milestones: Goose has felt little bubs move like crazy. I try to get the boys to feel, but they can't stay still enough to wait for a kick. I told Reese the baby can hear him so he talks to my belly any chance he can, a.dor.a.ble.

Names: I still like "E" names like Emerson and Edison. I also like Lincoln, but it is starting to get trendy...

The boy's picks this week are: 

Nolan: July, Ty: Liones, Reese: Lemon

 Nursery: Still haven't decided on accent colors, but we Goose painted the walls grey and we got a rug like this:
 

                        Source: apartmenttherapy.com via Lily on Pinterest




from Urban Outfitters, so we will be moving on from there.

 Have I told you how much I heart pinterest for all my baby stuff? So much inspiration for nurseries, maternity and newborn pics, etc. Please tell me if you have a baby board so I can follow :) 

                                                                

                                                                                               Source: projectnursery.com via Lily on Pinterest

Happy Friday y'all!!

BTW, thank you everyone who commented on 
my post about gender disappointment  here and on facebook- you're lovely :) 

_________________________________________________

MM: Swollen Feet and Only Children

Link up here:

                                                                         1. Luxuries

Growing up, I remember being hot in the summers and cold in the winters. I'm not sure if the AC and central heating were always broken or my frugal single mother just never turned them on. Those were the days of floor heaters in every room or rotating fans puttering along, barely making a dent in the stifling heat.

 

Because of this, as an adult, I have always had a pretty big tolerance for heat in the summer. I usually don't think about turning on the AC until its at least 80 degrees. David is sweating bullets and I'm like, aww, it's not that bad...

Then I got pregnant. This is my first "summer" pregnancy and guess what? 

Our air conditioner isn't working.

Like no cool air whatsoever. I don't know what it is going to cost to fix it, but I don't think I will be able to rough it out this time. My Sweaty McSweatyface is far from "glowing" and my ankles are almost non-existent by the end of the day. 

(SOURCE)

I am not even in the third trimester yet and it is HOT!!

2. Road Trip

We took a impromptu trip to Michigan this past weekend. Goose's grandmother passed away so we went up there for the memorial service. It was a really lovely service, and I was able to meet a lot of Goose's extended family who I had never met. I hate that it was under those circumstances, but it was really nice getting to know everyone. :) 

 
The not-so-nice part was this preggo lady spending 28 hours sitting in the car driving from Georgia to Michigan and back again... 

After we got back, I spent Sunday almost in a coma, recuperating from the trip. My bum and back are just now starting to regain normal status. 

3. Only Child

On our trip, we decided to just take Reese and leave the twins with my mom. We thought it would be fun for Reese to have a little alone time with Mama and Daddy, especially since his time as youngest child is almost over.

Now I'm not saying having one child is easy or anything, I know everyone has their own experiences... but for Goose and I who have never known what it is like to have just one, let me say, I now see the appeal of having one kid :) 

Reese looooooved getting all the attention and not having to compete for anything. He was on Cloud 9 the whole trip. He got to have his cousins all to himself- what a cheeser... 

On the flip side, I can definitely see how easy it is to spoil an only child. It is a lot easier to say yes when it is just one little guy wanting something than three obnoxious crazy boys screaming for it ;)

Our little monkey did miss his brothers though and gave them both a big hug as soon as we got back. 
 

Love!

Happy Monday :)

PYHO: Gender Disappointment?

 ________________________________________________

Two Words: Gender Disappointment.

If you haven't had kids yet, you probably have never heard of the term, the thought of either gender is exciting! If you have one of each, you probably wouldn't really think about it. But when you have experienced several of one sex and are hoping to balance the family out a bit, it takes a minute to get used to the idea that the little family you pictured isn't going to happen, i.e. gender disappointment. (google it if you want- there is tons of info about this subject)

When we first got pregnant 7 years ago, I thought boys would be easier... I thought, yeah, I am not really a girly girl... boys would be awesome. And I was totally excited for the twins to be boys. Reese came along and I knew we would probably have at least one more so no big deal, boys are awesome!  I always kinda felt I would have both sexes one day, so I didn't really think about it much more than that.

In 2009, pregnant with #4, I went for a private ultrasound around 18 weeks. It was a girl! I went to Target and bought some little purple shoes and a "daddy's little girl" bib and gave them to Goose to tell him. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. 

For the next 2 weeks, we got to experience the excitement of the unknown- a baby girl would be joining the mix. My boys would have a little sister. Everyone was excited, people started giving us boxes and bags of girl clothes and we started working on a girly nursery.

Then we went to our 20 week ultrasound at the doctor's office, and we were told our daughter had multiple issues and probably wouldn't make it through the pregnancy. The picture of my future family was shattered. We lost Evie in my 9th month of pregnancy. I held my daughter for 12 hours and then said good-bye.

Flash forward 2 years, a couple weeks ago when I found out this baby was a boy, I hate admitting it and I felt like an absolutely horrible mother... but honestly, all those feelings of losing Evie came rushing back and I hurt for a few days. I just missed her so much.

Please don't misunderstand, it doesn't hurt at all that I will be adding another son to our family. I know how lucky I am to be able to get pregnant easily, and I am the mother of 3 sons so I know how awesome little dudes are. It is hard to explain... because it isn't like I don't want another son- I am head over heels for my boys! I don't think a daughter would be in any way "better" than my son. I already love and adore and cherish this little boy and am dreaming of his little face and toes and personality and all he will bring to our family. I rub my belly and he kicks my hands and he is already bringing so much joy to my life.

After reading several articles and comments about gender disappointment, people seem to be very harsh on anyone admitting that they had any disappointment when they found out they would only have daughters or only have sons. Like, how dare you be disappointed when there are people who can not have kids, or those who have lost children??  Every child is a blessing and you should be nothing but grateful.  

That's totally true. Every children is an incredible blessing! After knowing what it is like to come home from the hospital with empty arms, how could I feel anything but ecstatic about this healthy baby boy? I told myself that over and over when I had these awful feelings. But then I realized, emotions are often ridiculous. Feelings are not often logical... especially those of an extra hormonal pregnant woman ;) 

And I have lost a baby and I have watched many family and friends go through infertility. That is debilitating and heartbreaking, not disappointing... I would never, ever compare the two.

It is simply a dream, like any other. Since when are people not allowed to have a dream for their future? Some people dream of having a certain job, traveling, getting married, some dream of having their own business, owning a home, going to college, whatever... dreams are dreams. A way you see your life in 1, 5, 15 years. When those dreams don't come true I think it is totally normal to feel let down for a bit.

And what is even more frustrating, is people chastise women for saying they were disappointed for a minute when they found out they weren't having "___" yet these same people are the ones who have this horribly sad sympathy face when I tell them I am having a fourth boy...  making the comments like.... ooooooooh, well that's okay, at least boys are easier. Sure, in some ways they are "easier"...  they are often not as complicated, or emotional, or high-maintenance as a lot of the little girls I know. But who cares? Does that make having boys better? Because you might not have to pay for a wedding? or prom is cheaper? no.

When I found out this baby was a boy, I didn't feel sad that I was gaining a son.  I was sad (for a moment) because that means that my only daughter is in heaven, and I might never know what it is like to raise a daughter on Earth...  because even though there are people out there that want to try and mash men and women together and say we are just alike, and that it is only society that puts all these "gender" roles on us... I don't believe that for a second.

I have 3 sons. My sister has 4 girls.  Get them together and it isn't the pink and blue clothing that makes them different. It is the mannerisms, the voices and the attitudes, the words and interests. 

There are plenty of untaught differences between boys and girls. 

I am not saying that all girls are "feminine" and all boys are "manly." 

They are just. different.

Girls and boys are equally precious and fun and adorable! I don't care about big bows and I am not smitten with all things pink... I just have a dream of raising a daughter along with my amazing sons. My mom is one of my best friends. I hoped for another relationship like that. 

Will it happen one day? As I've said before, I make plans very lightly in my life because God is the only one who knows where each day will take us. Never say never... I am only 27, we might just get the urge to have a couple more kids before it's all said in done.  ;)

But even if we have 45 more sons and never have a girl, my boys are not, and will never be a consolation prize... or my second choice.  I will never, ever look at them and wish they were anything but exactly who they are. 

Each one is an amazing gift from God and I thank Him every day for the blessing of my children, on earth and in heaven :)

 

* This post has been sitting for a few weeks, knowing it is a sensitive issue, but I figured "pour your heart out" would be a good place to share, and it seems like it was meant to be this week.  Go here to read other awesome posts :)