Friday, April 8, 2011

Who am I? No More, No Less

"The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium."  ~Norbet Platt

Writing puts certain things into perspective for me. When I struggle with something, writing it out helps give me direction and always makes me feel a little more balanced. 

After fasting and praying over the last week, I came to a realization about myself. 

...and what I really want out of life.

We all have material dreams... wants and desires that stem from what we would like to accomplish in this life. I want to be a good wife and mother, I want Sailor Studio to succeed, I want to finish college next year.

But honestly, my true desire can not be spelled out in checklists and monetary amounts. It is not an award or diploma, and it is not a certain house or a wardrobe.

My dream is a person... or moreover, an identity.

A tangible change in myself.... a change that is taking place more and more each day because I am finally allowing my faith to mold me into something better than I am.

My joy is in the hope of miracles... and of a Savior who is so real and tangible that I can hear his voice and see His path without question.

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The person who questions everything, who is fearful of rejection and persecution... the person who just wants to "mind my own business" is fading away.

Because even though it might be "comfortable" to stay in my self-involved little bubble, never giving Him my all... I will also miss out on a joy and peace that only comes from living in the Spirit of the One who gave us life.

I'm not interested in more "religion," I want a life filled with purpose. I want to be able to pray with the power of a righteous man. I want to forgive and forget, to love with abandon, without requirement or expectation.

What I desire above all else is to love Him with all my heart and all my mind and all my soul.

 I am far(far far far) away from perfect, but there is one thing I am sure of:

I am a daughter of the King.

...and because of that incredible gift, I can not be satisfied with giving Him anything less than my best.

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
   you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
   LORD my God, I will praise you forever.
Psalm 30:11-12(NIV)

Happy Friday y'all =) 

I love the lyrics to this song by Mercy Me...

Smart and Trendy Moms