Thursday, October 28, 2010

So I made a decision, a big one.

 "Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter." -Tim Kizziar

I withdrew from the education program. ( I know my family is like whatttttttttt?)

God has been working on me like crazy over the past few months... about my pride, my ridiculous standards, my family, and my goals in life.

I was barely interacting with my kids, me and David were fighting constantly (and we hardly ever fight)...

I had to re-prioritize a lot and I finally realized school is the one factor that doesn't make sense.

So I withdrew... 

I need to focus on more important will always be there, but my boys need me now.

I thought I would be more upset, but the thing is, education just wasn't right for me. I think teaching is an incredibly hard, important job and there are way too many people that go into education for the wrong reasons. I was one of them. I was in education because I basically couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to go to school for and I was running on a deadline to get into a program.

Not that I didn't love working with the kids- but Special Education is a whole lot more than teaching- there are endless amounts of paperwork, meetings, and political junk that you have to keep up with... you have to be level-headed, dedicated, organized, and patient... I would have been a TERRIBLE teacher.

So anyway, I will finish up one class this semester and then figure the rest out later.

It is really hard to give up control (especially for a control freak); it is hard to give up selfish ambition, but I think God wants something completely different from me. I was moving forward because of what I thought I "needed" to do, instead of focusing on what He wants from me.

...and He simply wants more.

... He wants it all.

I am still resisting because it is scary to give Him everything... I feel comfortable keeping it all in, doing it on my own and doing it my way...  but He is knocking loudly...  

and He is kinda hard to ignore. =)

BTW, I heart tenth avenue north... =)