Thursday, October 28, 2010

So I made a decision, a big one.

 "Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter." -Tim Kizziar

 
I withdrew from the education program. ( I know my family is like whatttttttttt?)


God has been working on me like crazy over the past few months... about my pride, my ridiculous standards, my family, and my goals in life.

I was barely interacting with my kids, me and David were fighting constantly (and we hardly ever fight)...

I had to re-prioritize a lot and I finally realized school is the one factor that doesn't make sense.

So I withdrew... 

I need to focus on more important things...school will always be there, but my boys need me now.

I thought I would be more upset, but the thing is, education just wasn't right for me. I think teaching is an incredibly hard, important job and there are way too many people that go into education for the wrong reasons. I was one of them. I was in education because I basically couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to go to school for and I was running on a deadline to get into a program.

Not that I didn't love working with the kids- but Special Education is a whole lot more than teaching- there are endless amounts of paperwork, meetings, and political junk that you have to keep up with... you have to be level-headed, dedicated, organized, and patient... I would have been a TERRIBLE teacher.


So anyway, I will finish up one class this semester and then figure the rest out later.


It is really hard to give up control (especially for a control freak); it is hard to give up selfish ambition, but I think God wants something completely different from me. I was moving forward because of what I thought I "needed" to do, instead of focusing on what He wants from me.


...and He simply wants more.

... He wants it all.


I am still resisting because it is scary to give Him everything... I feel comfortable keeping it all in, doing it on my own and doing it my way...  but He is knocking loudly...  


and He is kinda hard to ignore. =)





BTW, I heart tenth avenue north... =)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Okay,.. So life isn't so perfect these days.

I wrote this long drawn out post discussing all the arguments I am having with myself about my recent commitments, but I am not going to post it...


Instead I am going to say this.


I'm tired.


I'm tired of being so overextended that I am not doing one thing in my life well.


I am doing everything half-way.


I am getting As in all my classes right now, but I am failing the rest of my life... just giving about 50% so I can get through the day...school, business, teaching, being a mother, wife, friend, writing, exercising ... I can't remember the last time I cleaned the house or cooked a meal. Not that I was ever great at those things, but at least I had time to attempt them.


Being mediocre at everything in my life is.not.working. for me.

More importantly, I have been a terrible mom. I have neglected my husband and my kids and I am tired of it.


My mind is so over-capacity that lately, I can't even focus long enough to pray...

how sad is that? 

I am starting to realize that maybe God has things that He wants me to do that have nothing to do with having a 4.0 in college.

After years of holding myself to impossible standards, I am tired of feeling like I am not good enough.
 
I am tired of telling myself that if I don't accomplish this, and this, and this in my life that I am a worthless failure.

I thought that I could do it all, but I can't.


I thought that I had something to prove, but I don't.


I'm tired... 

of trying to be something that I'm just

not.






ugh....


I have to make a decision that I don't want to make.

I guess that is what being a grown-up is all about though, huh?

Monday, October 11, 2010

MM: I should be doing other things...


 Welcome to this version of me getting tired of doing schoolwork so I am going to procrastinate on that and write a really random blog post Miscellany Monday!


Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters


I uploaded the pics from my camera and realized... 

wow. I really need a vacation.

I have entirely too many things happening all at once and some times I think I am going to just flip out and run far, far away...


But then I would miss out on the fun... because everything that is going on are good things.


well... most of them anyway...


1. We had to go on a tour of the city of Stone Mountain as part of the art program we are in-  We are supposed to know about the area so that when people come into the gallery, we can let them know about what else is going on around town.

I grew up in Stone Mountain but I did not know half the stuff we learned on the tour~

As we were at the park looking at one of the nature trails, we stopped and were listening to our guide talk about the song-bird habitat... it is totally peaceful and quiet-

Then, I suddenly feel something weird on my leg.

yeah.


Apparently,



THIS:



...had crawled all the way up the INSIDE of my jeans, up to my thigh and started trying to fly around... I almost fainted and threw up at the same time. Of course, I grab my jeans and shake the spawn of satan grasshopper out of my pants.

Thankfully, it came out of the bottom before I had a total meltdown.


Ugh- insects... not. a. fan.

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2.  We had the Grand Opening of our studio on Friday. We share a gallery space with two other artists and then we each have our own workshops. It was fabulous and overwhelming. They had the ribbon cutting ceremony for the arts program and the new Sreetscape sculpture right outside the building and as soon as it was over our gallery was just flooded with people- craziness- but so great! I'll upload some pics as soon as I get them organized.

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3. Goose's dad just turned 70!! He is the best dad-n-law a girl could ask for and an awesome grandpa to the boys- they just adore him!






We went to the Braves game to celebrate! It was the boys first Braves game and they loved it... 

especially the part where they got to eat peanuts, carmel corn, and 2 bags of cotton candy... they were just a little wound up. :)
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4. We did a 5K called the Red Barn Ramble- It was a run on a farm- so much fun =) 

I got first place in my age group again! and the trophies were these super cute, hand-made birdhouses... 

I am definitely doing that one again next year~



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5. Did you know that my kids are hilarious... and obnoxious... and as cute as pie... And that they just love taking silly pictures with their mama =)























Okay, enough procrastinating- 

Hope all y'all are having a fabulous Monday =)


 

Friday, October 1, 2010

Once Upon a Time... Nolan's First Game


Once Upon a time, there was this kid...

He loved football! 




He watched it on TV, played catch every day, and begged you to let him play on a real, live team...


You think he's a natural.


You think he is gonna go out there and be #1 touchdown superstar!


You think he is going to listen to the coach,


Run circles around his teammates, and


Be well on his way to the Heisman Trophy…





And then you wake up and realize...


he’s 4 years old...


and he has NO IDEA what is going on.





you signed him up 2 weeks late (mom of the year!)...


so he really has no idea what's going on.







His first game is Saturday.


This should be interesting...


(video for grandma, he did get it once! =)





Hope Everyone has a Great Weekend- We'll be at the Braves game tonight, Watch for us in the cheap seats!! =)