Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Imperfections

Every year at the beach, I usually pick out two shells to take home. It might seem silly but I have a specific “criteria” for the shells I pick out. I started this when Dave and I got together and I usually get one for me and one for him.

As I was walking down the beach today, looking out for my “perfect” shells, I started wondering, “Why was I looking for only “perfect” shells? Why not find a shell with imperfections? Is a perfect shell in someway better than a shell that has a hole in it, or is cracked?” Not really… but that is how we are programmed, we look for perfection, we strive for it.

Especially women, we want to have a perfect house, perfect job, be perfect wives, have a perfect body, perfect kids… we are constantly judging ourselves and those around us. Not anymore, I say. I am not perfect. I don’t know anyone on this Earth who is. Why are we obsessed with the impossible?

My little Evie has already been labeled “abnormal” and “imperfect” She has already had more tests and diagnosis then many people see in a lifetime, and she hasn’t even been born yet. Everyone has been telling me, “She is going to be fine” That is wonderful to hear, but even if she doesn’t come out “perfect” she is wanted, loved, and cherished.

And she has already changed our lives in a way that is completely different than our other kids. Her imperfections have made us better people. We already have more faith, more love, more sympathy and more strength than we ever knew we were capable of.

She is not even born yet, but she is a part of our family. Every day I feel her and I grow closer to her. I thank God for her every chance I get. The truth is: she is already a miracle. Every day she is alive, she is beating the odds.

God has given her to us for a reason and I am inspired by that fact. I would love to know more about His will for her life, but that can only come in time. Right now, I must give her to Him, and allow Him to protect and watch over her until she is ready to meet the world.

So as I was walking on the beach I found a beautiful little shell with a small piece missing on the side. I picked it up and kept it. It’s my Evie shell.

It is hard for me to change my “perfectionist” attitude, but I am, slowly and surely. I am learning to desire whatever God wants for me and my family:

His will, His truth, His plan.