I realize that it is human nature to look at the worst possible scenarios, to assess the risks and the possibilities. It is difficult to not think of "what if" when it comes to this pregnancy. I feel rather helpless sometimes because we just don't know what the future holds. We don't know what God has in store for our daughter. I know He has a great purpose and plan for her; we just don't know what that is yet.
It is also kind of a lonely feeling. The thoughts and emotions you feel can't really be expressed to someone who isn't in this situation. We both have amazing support around us from everyone we know, but we don't know anyone who has been through this. I don't know any kids personally that are not totally healthy, which in itself is wonderful and praiseworthy. I have found some interesting groups on the internet though. It helps to read stories from people who have went through all the uncertainty and waiting for a diagnosis that really doesn't tell you anything. Much better than looking at medical websites which are horrible and overwhelming.
So I have been making myself focus on positive things. It is really hard to be depressed or stressed when you focus on how blessed you are. These are some of the things I focus on when I start getting disheartened:
1. I know Jesus. There are millions of people out there who do not have Hope. I know that the only reason I am alive is because of Him. I could not imagine going through life, especially the difficult times, without His guidance and grace.
2. My marriage- I get to spend everyday with my best friend. Even on the worst days, we can make each other laugh. He is the most amazing dad, and he works his butt off so that I can stay home with the boys and finish my education. I really try not to take him for granted.
3. My kids- I have good kids. They are hilarious and imaginative and smart. They can drive me crazy, but they can pull me out of a bad mood in a second. I am glad to have the opportunity to be a mother.
There are so many more, but just these three are enough to satisfy me~
To be continued...